We live in a culture that rewards speed, availability, and output. Calendars are full. Notifications are constant. Even moments that used to be quiet – early mornings, late nights, the space between meetings – are now filled with scrolling, reacting, and preparing for what’s next.
I know this world well. I’ve lived inside it for years.
There was a time when being “always on” felt like a badge of honor. Responsive. Reliable. Driven. I told myself it meant I cared. That it meant I was committed. And for a while, that story worked – until it didn’t.
What I eventually noticed wasn’t burnout in the dramatic sense. It was subtler. A tightening. A constant low-grade tension. A feeling of being slightly ahead of myself – physically present, but mentally somewhere else.
That’s when the idea of returning to self stopped being a concept and became a necessity.
The Cost of Constant Readiness
Being always on keeps us alert, but it rarely keeps us grounded. When we operate in a constant state of readiness, our nervous system never fully settles. We move quickly, but we don’t always move clearly.
I began to notice how this showed up in my leadership. I was still effective – but I wasn’t always present. I could solve problems, but I wasn’t always with people. My attention fractured more easily. My listening shortened. Decisions were made efficiently, yet sometimes without the spaciousness needed for deeper insight.
The truth is: urgency crowds out wisdom.
And leadership – real leadership – requires access to something deeper than urgency.
Slowing Down Isn’t Stepping Back
One of the biggest misconceptions about slowing down is that it means disengaging. In my experience, the opposite is true.
Slowing down is how we arrive.
It’s how we create enough internal space to notice what’s actually happening – within ourselves and around us. It’s how we shift from reacting to responding. From managing situations to holding presence within them.
This has been a central theme in the personal development work I’ve been involved in through the ERG. In those conversations – often simple, sometimes uncomfortable, always honest – we talk about the pressures we carry quietly: the need to provide, to perform, to stay strong, to keep moving.
What consistently emerges is this realization: many of us have never been taught how to pause without guilt.
We don’t slow down because we’re tired. We slow down because presence matters.
Calm as a Leadership Practice
Calm is often misunderstood as passive. In reality, calm is active. It’s a regulated nervous system. It’s clarity under pressure. It’s the ability to stay rooted when things are uncertain.
When leaders are calm:
- They listen more fully
- They respond instead of react
- They create psychological safety without saying a word
- They make decisions that are aligned, not just efficient
I’ve seen this firsthand – both in myself and in others. When I take the time to ground before a difficult conversation, the conversation changes. When I enter a room settled rather than rushed, the room feels it. When I lead from presence, others feel permission to do the same.
Presence is contagious.
Returning to Self, Again and Again
Returning to self isn’t a one-time event. It’s a practice. A choice we make repeatedly throughout the day.
Sometimes it’s a breath before speaking. Sometimes it’s a walk without headphones. Sometimes it’s the courage to pause instead of pushing through.
It’s remembering that leadership doesn’t come from doing more – it comes from being here.
In a world that constantly pulls us outward, returning to self is a radical act. And it may be one of the most important leadership skills we cultivate.
Because when we are calm, we lead with presence. And when we lead with presence, everything else aligns.
